Making Portraits of Pregnancy

Five Ways to Help Haiti

2010-01-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

As a former photojournalist who was in Kenya right after the bombing in 1998. You can make a difference from over here. I have seen the aid money helping people get back on their feet.

Five Things You Can Do to Help Haiti:

Text $10 to help the Red Cross Earthquake Relief Effort

Donate to Doctors without Borders

Support AmeriCares

UNICEF Earthquake Relief

Partners in Health(PIH)

Live the questions

2009-11-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

Umm long time no posts. What have I been doing? Lots. But I am going to get back into this I promise. I had an amazing shoot on Friday and these clients just walked into my life and basically changed me forever. How great is that?

We were talking about making the decision to have children with your partner and how to go about that. Their advice was to just explore the possibility together. EXPLORE. What an amazing gift that was. That word is. Just explore it. Try it on. Ask each other what it will look like, what our fears are, what are hopes are. It actually can apply to anything.

Matt and Mary Ellen told me of this quote that they keep on their refridgerator by Rilke that helps them remember. They live by it. And so will I.

Here is the email from Matt with the quote:

Hi Jenny Loo!
First of all, thank you for an amazing experience on Thursday! The photo session, atmosphere, conversation, critters, everything...delightful. Following up on our conversations, here is the quote from Rilke that has been a such great source of comfort and guidance for us:

“I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..."

Rainer Maria Rilke

With clients like this guiding you through your life and love, I feel like the luckiest person ever.

Thanks.

Judy Kaethler: The Blessing of the Monks

2009-09-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

Many years ago we found out that we could not have a baby without medical intervention. Being a mother was something I wanted for so long, but surprisingly, getting the news was not as devastating as I would have expected. In fact, it was almost freeing. It was as if someone or something had simply pointed me down a different path. There was an odd peace about it.

Years passed and I became fulfilled in my career and the joy of being an aunt. I suppose I looked for other ways to "mother" and felt I was contributing to the world in ways other than by raising a child.

Through a series of coincidences, I ended up volunteering to assist a group of Tibetan monks while they were visiting and touring the U.S. They stayed in our home while they were teaching and performing in the Seattle area. As we pulled up to our driveway, I remember being a little embarrassed at the size of our house, especially given what they are used to; sleeping multiple people per room with a dirt floor in India. I apologized for the size of our home and explained that when we bought it, we thought we'd have a family, but that it wasn't possible.

We had a lovely couple of weeks. We took them to schools and churches and community centers to give talks, and we hung out at home when there was downtime. They did their daily prayer and meditation practice in our living room. It was incredible to see the circle of monks chanting, and luckily, they welcomed us to sit in on their pujas. The sense of peace and compassion was amazing. I don't even have words for it.

A couple months later, I started feeling a little "off". You know where this is going. I, of course, had no idea. I hadn't thought about pregnancy for years and years. In fact, I made an appointment with the doctor and asked if I could be starting peri-menopause because of the odd symptoms I was feeling. My husband and I joke that after we told them of our troubles of having a family, the monks must have said some special prayers. We have no idea what they were saying - it was in Tibetan.

Whether it was a specific prayer on our behalf, or just some kind of energy-altering response to the experience, we do think that at some level they had something to do with Daniel coming into our lives.

We are blessed and I am quite happy with the long winding path that I took to motherhood.

Judy Kaethler

For more stories about pregnancy and birth, check out my new book, Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother available-signed- from our website www.jenniferloomis.com or from Amazon

OR

We also have amazing stories on our website under "Our Mothers' Stories."

Jodi's Story: I am prepared to meet whatever turn my birthing takes

2009-08-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

I met Jodi and her husband Mark in Seattle in May of 2009. I was in the middle of a crazy travel schedule that was a combination of book tours, photographing clients in my different studios and caring for my father who just had surgery and lived in a remote part of South Dakota. Fourteen airplanes in less than two weeks was pushing even my limits to stay centered. And while I was having a great time, I made sure to keep up with my morning dog walks, meditations and workouts at the gym so that this frenetic energy didn't spill over into my studio time with my clients where I like to be calm and relaxed.

Jodi and Mark came into the studio like a breath of fresh air. They were calm and centered. We sat down, they on the couch and me in my chair, my pen in hand taking notes about who they were and what they liked. I sensed they were special people, but it took us our second meeting at their proof edit, before I realized how much Jodi had been through and how strong they are.

I always ask my clients about their pregnancy, it helps me to get to know each person better. Jodi briefly touched on the fact that she had a difficult pregnancy. After photographing more than 1500 women, I know getting pregnant, staying pregnant and the actual pregnancy isn't easy for many of my clients. Expectations are sometimes vastly different from the reality of the pregnancy and birth. So this wasn't new to me to listen and empathize with a mom having a particularly difficult time. Jodi didn't elaborate and seemed to take it in stride. She emanated a grace and strength that she was just going to get through it, and not let it bring her down.

I saw Jodi and Mark 10 weeks later to show them their proofs from our session together. It wasn't until they returned with a beautiful little girl that I realized how truly special and inspiring a woman Jodi is, AND what a truly difficult and challenging pregnancy, birth and post-partum she had endured and was still enduring.

I asked her, as I ask all my clients, how her birth was. With Mark at her side nodding, Jodi smiled radiating a sense of loving calmness and said "Everything that could have gone wrong during my pregnancy and birth, did." She then modified it to say, "I'm not sure I'd say everything, but it was very challenging and lots of things I didn't expect to happen, did. It has been one thing after another but now I have this beautiful little girl. She is perfect." What made me pause was her genuine smile. What made me want to tell her story, was her positive outlook in the face of tremendous physical, emotional and spiritual challenges.

Jodi was plagued by nausea starting at six weeks that lasted most of her pregnancy. She couldn't tolerate the smell or taste of the normal healthy foods she was used to and had headaches almost daily. Then her right thigh went numb, and became excruciatingly painful when standing for any length of time, eventually making even sitting, walking and sleeping difficult. Anemia caused periodic episodes of extreme fatigue, light-headedness and heart palpitations. She didn't feel up for exercising, which was a core part of her life and well-being. There was some bleeding early on in the pregnancy that was misdiagnosed as a miscarriage by a midwife who Jodi decided to fire, leaving her looking for a new midwife at 10 weeks pregnant.

Her due date came and went, and so they decided to try a few things to begin labor, one of which made it difficult to urinate leaving her very uncomfortable. Contractions began but after three days there hadn't been much progress. They brought in a birthing tub, but she was having severe back spasms that were being treated by a special machine with an electric current so she couldn't get in the tub.

After four days she was able to get into the tub, but several hours passed and labor stalled. Before heading out to walk stairs to get things moving again, her midwife checked the fetal heart rate and it was dangerously low. They called 911 and she was rushed to the hospital. They were ready to do an emergency C-section, wheeling her towards the operating room. Her midwife halted the flurry of activity, because the baby's heart rate had stabilized. Monitoring of the baby's heart rate continued, while Jodi breathed through the contractions.

After almost five days of labor both at home and in the hospital, Jodi was exhausted and had not progressed beyond eight centimeters. She and Mark knew at this point that they were most likely heading for a C-section. But they wanted to make sure they did their best to try every other alternative. They decided that Jodi would start pitocin to strengthen her contractions. In case the baby did not tolerate the contractions and an emergency C-section became necessary, they also decided to do an epidural. This gave Jodi a chance to get some rest and eliminated the potential need for general anesthesia during surgery. Her mother and Mark watched the monitors as she slept.

After several more hours, the baby was still in distress and Jodi's cervix had not dilated any further. So the anesthesiologist was called in. And the story continues, from too much anesthesia making her arms numb so that Jodi feared she wouldn't be able to hold her baby, to a nurse not honoring her plan of wanting Mark to cut the cord after it stopped pulsing. Each step of the way, she was being challenged by her own body and the medical staff around her. But she persevered and her daughter was born Friday, June 19th at 10:05 AM.

"As I was going through this ordeal, Mark was extremely supportive and always very positive," she said. "I also kept reciting one of the mantras from my hypnobirthing class in my head 'I am prepared to meet whatever turn my birthing takes. I am prepared to meet whatever turn my birthing takes.'"

"As much as that experience wasn't what I wanted, it is what it is." She said. "You never know what to expect in pregnancy or birth. You can plan for the ideal birth but you just have to do your best and be accepting of what happens."

She continued, "I know we did our best and although our birth wasn't what we wanted, now we have this wonderful outcome, our lovely little girl."

- Jodi Burick

For more stories about pregnancy and birth, check out my new book, Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother available-signed- from our website www.jenniferloomis.com or from Amazon

OR

We also have amazing stories on our website under "Our Mothers' Stories."

Tips for making pregnancy portraits you will love

2009-08-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

Taking snapshots of your growing belly can be a fun way to document the evolution of your pregnancy, especially during your last trimester. But it can also be tough to capture flattering shots. Here are a few suggestions I have come up with on taking maternity snapshots at home.

While you may not want to hang these homemade photos on your wall, as you would with professional ones, you and your baby can still appreciate them for years to come. More importantly, use the experience of photography to have some fun with your new body. It won't be like this forever. Capture it.

1. Enlist others - It’s almost impossible to take a good photo of your own belly. Ask a friend or your partner to help you, both with taking the photos and coming up with creative ideas for them.

2. Set the stage - Choose your backdrop. If you are at home, find a simple, uncluttered scene, like a wall or a window. Remove distracting elements like plants or other items that won't really add to your photo.

3. Lighting - Make sure you have adequate lighting. If the room is too dark, then your photos might appear out of focus. Using natural light, such as near a window, is ideal, but be careful to avoid direct sunlight because it creates too much contrast. Use the flash only if you must. But I recommend turning it off if you can and use indirect lighting. Silhouettes can also be fun because of the shape of the new mom.

4. Clothing – When choosing what to wear, remember you want to expose your belly. I recommend form-fitting clothes without any obvious branding or patterns. Or, be a little bolder by getting your wedding gown out or pulling out that feather boa that you thought you'd never use.

5. Make-up - When applying make-up, focus on evening out your complexion. Don't go too heavy, because on film everything appears darker. Just make a little effort. Even a small amount of makeup will make a difference.

6. Poses - Experiment with a variety of different poses. Do you practice yoga? Pilates? Try posing with your hands on your belly, but also lift your arms up. Why not include your dog, cat or child in a few frames? Take a risk. Be unique.

7. Photo Composition – This is your final step. Here is where the photograph is made. It is helpful to answer a few questions. What is the primary subject of the photo? Should the focus just on the belly or the whole person? How is the head angled? How does the chin look? Hide those areas that are uncomfortable for the model, such as stretch marks (unless you want those to be part of the composition). Putting some thought into composition means that you will get a much better photograph.

8. Timing - If you are only going to do it once, the I recommend photographing 6-10 weeks before your baby is due. If this is something you really like and want to document your changing belly, then I recommend photographing every four to six weeks. And if you want a fun idea, try doing it in the same place with the same background. you could even put a tape mark where to place your feet.

More fun ideas. Try photographing the belly every month in the same spot and then you can put the images together. If you have an interesting dream during your pregnancy, think about using it as inspiration for a photograph. Are you craving certain foods? Add them into your photo. Are you having issues with your pregnancy, like extreme exhaustion? Photograph it. You are the artist here and now it is your turn to make a photo that not only is of your belly, but I encourage you to make a photo that also imparts some other information about where you are at emotionally, physically, and mentally during your last trimester. The pregnant body is beautiful, capture the memory. You only have nine months.

For more inspiring photographs of pregnancy see my book, Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother, available signed on our site at www.jenniferloomis.com OR on Amazon.

How to do a live television interview?

2009-07-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

There are several components to consider when you are about to have a live television interview, at least for me.

Number One: What do you wear for a live television interview?

I am not sure. I still have clothes strung about the studio that I brought in and tried on for Joelle to critique. We decided on simple jeans and a black top.

My rule of thumb is stay simple, but make sure you feel great, dare I say, sexy even. I stick to the same rule that I use photographing. Stay away from white and NEVER wear patterns, stripes or branding (this is key unless you have a high paying sponsor).

This was my second or third live television interview, and probably my tenth time on television. It does get easier each time, however I get older and don't feel as cute or bouncy. But each time I go through the same motions, in what now could be called a ritual. I always panic about what clothes to wear and worry that my makeup looks appropriate and not drag-queenesque. I have nothing against drag queens and several friends make ravishing women, however I am 5'4" and a straight female, so if I am looking like a drag queen, it’s not pretty. This time I think I looked OK. But again my general rule of thumb for TV, is makeup will always look darker so don’t load on the dark eye shadows, lipsticks etc. BUT there are the lights, they are brutal and so you should have a good foundation (men and women) because you don’t want to look washed out, and you want to define your eyes, lips etc.

Oh and a word about jewelry. Don’t sparkle like a Christmas tree. You want people to pay attention to your face and your words and, in my case, my book. Not be staring at the diamonds or large pieces of jewelry hanging from your neck.

Number Two: What are the questions and what do you want to talk about?

The interview was about my new book, Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother, and I got to talk about how I got started in all of this. It turns out the producer was pregnant. She was a cute petite blond who was super sweet. This was going to be her second child. Fun! I hope I can photograph her! She came up with some great questions for the host. I was impressed because if the questions aren’t done well then well, you stumble and it can be awkward.

I always get nervous, I mean it is live, so who wouldn't get nervous? If I should accidentally sneeze or pull a Janet Jackson move, that might be bad, then again it might be good. But as the second or third time live in front of a camera, I was relaxed when I got on there and just answered the questions.

Interviewers know this so they sometimes actually send you the questions or ask you what questions they should ask ahead of time. Surprising isn’t it? Well it does kind of take the spontaneity out of it all but there is an element of safety there too. But the truth is, you can’t really memorize the answers, and I always like to speak from the heart because those answers sound better anyway. I never spend a lot of time memorizing. I just like to think, well what did I do? How did I get started? How do I make the pregnant women feel beautiful? And then I pretend I am talking to a new friend about my business and forget about the cameras. It really works. I pretend I am at a party or something and get really interested in talking to them about my stuff.

I remember the first time I was ever on TV, I was living and working in Japan. The interview was in Japanese. Hello. First of all I did speak Japanese but didn’t have the eloquence I thought I needed. The TV station sent the questions, and my friend (Japanese) who was a PR person helped me write out the answers and I literally memorized the Japanese. I do not recommend this style at all. The interview was great, but I was probably very stiff. Flash forward 14 years - I was on a local Seattle TV station. They came to film a shoot at my studio and did an interview. I had no warning of the questions. I just answered them. It was a great interview, straight from the heart and full of passion (you can see it on my website www.jenniferloomis.com). It launched my career, quite literally. I have Tom Bishop at King 5 to thank for that.

Number Three: How to stand or sit and where to look?

Don’t fidget. This seems obvious, but don’t do it. Stand up or sit up tall, don’t lean back in your chair and don’t sway or swing your arms if standing. I tend to talk with my hands which I am told is a little too much motion, but I can’t help it. My hands are well, the tools that hold my camera and a very important part of my self-expression. But I try to limit their activity when I am being interviewed. So be calm and focus on the interviewer. There is the temptation to look at the camera or the monitor which is set up so the interviewer can see what the audience is seeing, in other words what is being broadcast. It is tempting to watch that too. And if the interviewer wants you to be staring into the camera –which is rare – they will tell you.

Mary who interviewed me with KOMO did a great job. We had a great rapport. And better yet, she really liked the book. That is the best part, having something to talk about that you really like. That makes it easier.

Now I am all dressed and with some nice make-up. I am going out with my boyfriend to some friends’ BBQ. They will all comment, I know it. Have a great night!

I am in LA

2009-06-24T22:16:00.001-07:00

I am in LA. Whenever I come to LA, it always takes me a day to get settled, to remember I am in LA. It isn't that I don’t like LA, it is just that I have to mentally adjust to LA. I have to mentally adjust to NY, Seattle and SF but I go there more frequently so it is a quicker adjustment.

Joelle, my studio manager, is here with me. She keeps me sane when I have big parties or openings because she keeps everything organized so I can basically talk to people and make sure I answer questions for the media and sign books and actually be present at these parties.

Our day started at Freestyle where I am having my opening tomorrow night from 5:30-7:30 at their Creative Center for Photography. I am on their advisory board for maternity photography. Their website says “Our Advisory Board is comprised of some of the most talented and influential professionals in the Photographic Industry. They share Freestyle's passion for the advancement of the creative photographic process. Together with Freestyle, we are committed to offering you only the best in products, expertise and customer service. We also offer "Ask The Experts", a unique opportunity to get answers to your questions from the foremost experts in the industry!” This is a huge resource for photographers trying to learn about anything. Plus I like them because they are still very committed to film, which is what I shoot.

We arrived to check out their idea for displaying my photographs. We had come up with a diagram, but Michael did such a great job of arranging the work we decided to go with his suggestions.

I have to say I NEVER thought in all my years of doing maternity photography that we would actually be in gallery shows. Ten years ago when I really started to commit myself to bringing this work in to the public eye, it was a struggle. Now we have had five different book launch parties/shows in four cities, and all of them have been packed with people. The book “Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother” which has no real marketing budget continues to amaze me on Amazon. It pops in and out of the top hundred in Womens Studies/Motherhood.

There are some inspiring stories of inner transformation in my book and I hope, hope, hope that it will get read by Oprah or her crew. I heard she doesn’t do much on pregnancy, but these stories are about finding hope in the darkest hour, gleaning support from your partner, and finding the inner strength to continue to pursue your dream. Pregnancy may be the conduit, but the stories are much deeper allegories for living your dreams, finding your passion, and overcoming challenges, and realizing that some times your deepest fears or frustrations are actually better teachers than you can ever imagine leading you to a happiness that you never thought possible.

Making photography a priority in these times

2009-06-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of photographing return clients, Zach and Vanessa and their two children in my Seattle Studio. I photographed Vanessa pregnant with their first, and then photographed the three of them once the baby came. The photographs were beautiful and they hang all over their house.

Vanessa got pregnant with her second right in the midst of the recession when everything went to hell. Zach was a mortgage broker, a very successful one, but even he was feeling the squeeze. So they decided not to have maternity portraits for the second baby. Vanessa was devastated but understood. After the baby was born, they wanted to have family photographs taken. Vanessa kept saying, "Zach we have to go back to Jennifer," because their gallery of photographs didn't contain the new baby. But they held back. A friend of theirs who was a photographer gave them a gift of some pictures.

"They were fine," said Vanessa, "but they just weren't the same, you know?"

Vanessa whispered, "Zach said to me, we really need to go back to Jennifer. It isn't fair to Madison if she doesn't have great photos of her. There really is a difference." Vanessa told me this story because she said she wanted me to know that Zach realized how important it was to have me capture this time in their children's lives and how you can't get back those years. She told me how Zach realized that taking photography of your children is a priority. Zach walked in and sat down in the living room of my studio and said "yes, your photography is a total priority. You don't have to order $3000 worth of prints now. We can always come back later, but at least you have the photography done and the kids captured."

This is an important point. If you don't have the money to order prints now you can later. We archive your images forever. I store your negatives in archival sleeves which are in archival envelopes. And we do see many parents calling in for new orders months even years later. Until I heard Zach say this, I never though about it, but yes you can always order prints. Just take the photos. Just take the photos. You won't regret it. This is a brief and fleeting time in your or your child's life.

Thanks Vanessa and Zach for telling me that story.

San Francisco Book Launch Party

2009-06-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

Our San Francisco book launch party was a huge success. I had pregnant moms as well as clients who I photographed over 5 years ago show up. It was a beautiful day and the BBQ was smoking with salmon burgers, hamburgers and hot dogs. The kids were running around and playing and everyone was meeting new people. I think this party had the highest number of previous clients which was great! Photos will be posted soon (once Joelle downloads them). The reading was a special event, three of the women featured in the book read excerpts from their stories. At one point I took over for a mom who was so choked up, she couldn't read. Everyone was crying. It just made me realize how special a book this is, and how these women poured their hearts into each story to help other women come to terms with their own pregnancies. It was an inspiring as well as emotional day. Great job Hugo for writing such lovely stories.

I just checked our Amazon book rank (yes it changes every hour but..!!), we are officially ranked! This is exciting, very exciting!

# Amazon.com Sales Rank: #35,620 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Popular in this category: (What's this?)
#60 in Books > Nonfiction > Women's Studies > Motherhood

I have two shoots today so I can't write much more because I am waiting for my second client to arrive. But my first client, wow! What an amazing mom. She and her husband met when she took a trapeze class. He was her spotter. Isn't that a unique and interesting story? They have the cutest 4 month old.

Part of me - South Dakota

2009-06-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in my San Francisco studio. I love it here. The studio has tall ceilings and large exposed beams that are from the original carriage house before it was remodeled. The floors are hardwood and the entire west wall is windows that look out onto a little garden area with a fountain. Although it is located on a very busy street, my studio is set back off the street, behind two old fashioned barn doors and through the garden area so that I don’t hear the traffic. My landlord, Judy, is an amazing politically active woman who has made this community of apartments and studios her art project. She is hand tiled a mosaic on the concrete retaining wall, and most of the plants in the garden she rescued from some throw-away bin. There are also funky artifacts hanging around like the candle arbre that housed a hummingbird next last summer. The garden has become a green oasis in the city and is teeming with hummingbirds, doves, and of course pigeons. It is my oasis. Outside can get a bit nuts, but once I come in here I can sit and relax. And it is a great space for making photographs of pregnant women and their children. My clients and their children come here and immediate sit down and relax. The children love the garden, the fish in the fountain and the hummingbirds.

Today is Friday. I arrived in SF yesterday after being in South Dakota (see my blog jenniferloomis.blogspot.com) taking care of my father. He had his shoulder replaced at the Mayo Clinic and needed us to be there to drive him home as well as get him accustomed to living with only one arm while the other healed. It was great to be with him and to support him during this time. Before the operation, he said he could handle it on his own, after the operation he realized he was wrong and thanked us profusely. Watching my father immobilized and in so much pain, was difficult. He is 70 and for the first time I realized that he is getting older and sooner or later, he won’t be able to live in the middle of nowhere in South Dakota by himself.

My sister and I drove him back to his home on Monday the 1st of June. I was exhausted. I had stayed up with him the entire night after the surgery to make sure he was OK. He was frightened and very glad I stayed. He never asked me to stay, he just said. “you sure you are going to be OK staying here tonight, Ja?” That’s what he has always called me, Ja.

Arriving in South Dakota, was like walking back into a time warp. He has lived there 30 years and when it hadn’t changed since I was a kid. I used to LIVE to go to South Dakota in the summers. I loved the country; I loved my horse and riding her all over, racing pick-up trucks on the hard dirt roads. The small town – before Walmart moved in 2 hours away – was a vibrant community, and was a source of unending fascination for me, I went to 4H events, rodeos, raised chickens, rabbits, calves, fawns, you name the animal I raised it. My father also worked with the Ogala Sioux tribe, now called the Lakota, and so we went to many powwows, sweats, and other rituals and ceremonies (deemed illegal by the US government) often being the only nonnatives there. I had dark hair and dark eyes but didn’t look Indian, but at least I didn’t stand out like my blond sister. We were the minority there and Dad taught us to respect the customs, to have a low profile and observe how to behave. I remember going to sleep at night listening to the singers playing their drums and singing late into the night. When I had to leave South Dakota, I would cry inconsolably. Life felt so unfair.

The town of Martin has 1100 people. There are more pheasants than people and definitely more cows. Another five days was spent here, nursing him back to health and basically cleaning out his cupboards of expired canned goods. At the end of it, I was going a little nuts and was ready to leave and head back to my cities, Seattle, SF and NY.

As I sit here in my SF studio writing this, staring out the window at the fig tree, I am grateful for all of my South Dakota summers and the experiences I had growing up. They made me a better person by contributing to my wanderlust spirit (which has taken me to Japan, Mongolia, Africa and countless other places), giving me a thirst for new cultures, and developed my ability to interface with all kinds of people and feel comfortable in any situation. It is part of what makes me do good work and why I love photographing so much.

“Finding Hope After Miscarriage”

2009-06-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

This is one of the stories that didn't make it into my book

Angy Merola’s first attempt at motherhood resulted in an ectopic pregnancy, discovered only after much damage was done to one of her fallopian tubes. Her chances of becoming pregnant again were now, in theory, cut in half. That’s how she began a four-year journey filled with heartbreak and struggle, including two failed attempts at in-vitro fertilization, until finally, when she least expected it, after two consecutive miscarriages, her son Nico was born.

My husband and I had just gotten off a plane and were about to start a two-week French vacation when I had to go to the hospital. I knew what had happened because it had happened before about eight months earlier around Christmas.

Now it was the end of September. I knew something was wrong during the flight so I had called my doctor during my layover in New York. We immediately went to the local hospital in Burgundy and partly because of the language barrier, it took a little time and a lot of tests before they confirmed what I was trying to tell them, that yes I was pregnant, and yes I had miscarried. It was not the way we imagined starting our vacation.

I just stayed in my hotel room and cried. I wouldn’t leave that room. My husband asked me if I wanted to go home. I told him that I did. He didn’t say anything. By then we were at the beach near Nice and Monaco. He just let me cry, and a little while later he suggested we take a walk on the beach.

Getting out of the hotel room, enjoying where we were, not thinking about everything, just for a little while helped a lot. It made me think leaving might be hasty. I thought, “ok, you can’t let this completely consume you and ruin your entire vacation.” So we stayed.

I’m really glad we did.

Tony and I met in the spring of 1993. I was a sophomore and he was a junior in college. After a week of dating, we both knew we would get married someday. Neither of us questioned the feeling. We got engaged three years later and married two years after that.

We really have a perfect marriage. We love every minute of it. He’s my best friend. We see eye to eye. We travel together. We have two dogs and we both want kids.

For some reason, I told him that I secretly feared that it would not be easy for us to have them. I had no reason to feel that way and I don’t know why I said it. Tony would just say, “Angy don’t talk like that. We’re both healthy. We have nothing to worry about.” He just didn’t want to engage in that conversation.

He was right. I had no reason to worry. It wasn’t because my mom had any trouble getting pregnant. She was 18 when I was born. Maybe it’s because every woman has that fear. I’ve talked to other girlfriends who have thought the same thing. As a woman you feel like you were born to have babies. And if you can’t, you wonder if you can call yourself a true woman, no matter how confident, no matter how strong you are.

It seemed easy at first. I got pregnant the first time we tried. An ectopic pregnancy can happen to anyone at any age. By the time it was discovered, my entire fallopian tube had ruptured. I was bleeding internally. I needed emergency surgery in the middle of the night. They had to remove the entire tube. I knew then my chances of getting pregnant again were cut in half. But my doctor told me I could still get pregnant, that it might just take longer.

We tried for more than three years. The first year, we tried using Clomid, a fertility drug, and once tried artificial insemination. In the second year we discovered I had elevated levels of a hormone that affected my ability to get pregnant. It was as if I had the body of someone who was 41, not 31.

That’s when we tried in-vitro fertilization. We spent about $20,000 on two rounds of in-vitro, six months apart. We were reassured we had a good chance of getting pregnant but both times it failed. And my doctor, to this day, can’t explain it. I learned one factor that can’t be measured is how stress can impact a pregnancy.

A few months after the two rounds of in-vitro failed, I unexpectedly got pregnant on my own in the fall of 2005. I had been going through something of a professional crisis and doing a lot of soul-searching. I was completely focused on my career and completely miserable at the same time. So I decided to quit my job at the end of November. Three days before I was going to give notice, I found out I was pregnant. Now I had even more reason to quit. But our happiness ended quickly. When I was seven weeks pregnant, I miscarried.

This was the darkest part of our entire journey. I felt like I might not be able to bounce back to normal. And, honestly, I never really did go back to the way I was. I became a much more skeptical, serious person who was really struggling with "why me?" each and every day. I really felt like a failure.

I often wished I could let it go. I wondered, “why am I so consumed with getting pregnant? Why couldn’t I just roll with it? Why am I so fixated?” My husband was as supportive as anyone could be. He had reassured me over and over that he married me, and that’s what our relationship was about, that it didn’t really matter to him if we didn’t have kids. He just wanted us to be the way we were before, but of course that was completely impossible. Too many things had happened on that long road.

Nine months later, I somehow got pregnant again without any treatment. And again it ended in miscarriage while we were on vacation. So there we were on the French Riviera. I started to think, “wait a second, we’ve been planning this trip for so long. Is this what I want, to sit here feeling bad? Is that fair to Tony?” At some point it became harder to not leave the room. There were so many things to see and do. So we took a walk on the beach and that helped to snap me out of it. Something about being by the water has always had a special effect on me.

That week, against the odds, I got pregnant for the third time in one year. There was no reason I should have gotten pregnant. I wasn’t even interested in trying again –the thought was too painful. I was scared to death of having another miscarriage. Getting pregnant this time was not joyful – it was petrifying. Once we made it through the first trimester, it set in that we were going to be parents. It was then that I promised myself to enjoy every single second of the pregnancy, even when I felt like a whale, even when I was constantly nauseous, even when I was in 50 hours of labor. We had many close friends and family use the word “miracle” when we told them we were expecting. The pregnancy really did feel miraculous.

If we get the opportunity to have another child, that would be great. If we don’t, that’s fine too. Having Nico brings us both so much joy and happiness. The pregnancy was amazing. But being parents has brought us enough happiness to last the rest of our lives.

For more stories about pregnancy and birth, check out my new book, Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother available-signed- from our website www.jenniferloomis.com or from Amazon

OR

We also have amazing stories on our website under "Our Mothers' Stories." Tell us your story. Please send it to info@jenniferloomis.com

Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother

2009-05-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

38

The number of times Margaret Mitchell was rejected before publishing Gone with the Wind.

I clipped this out of Oprah's Magazine about six years ago after I received a few rejection letters from publishers. I stared at it every morning and still stare at it. My book proposal went through three different incarnations over about four or five years, and whenever I was losing hope, I would spy this clipping on my dresser. Now seven years later, my book has been published. Failure is not an option if you don't quit. I didn’t quit, but many times I gave up hope. I wrote three different proposals, had two different agents, and received 37 rejection letters. But I didn't give up and finally I received a call from my agent in March of 2008.

And now as I write this, my book Portraits of Pregnancy:The Birth of a Mother has been released. I wanted to start this blog so that I could chat about all the exciting opportunities that I get, the cool people (celebrities and not) who I get to meet and photograph, and the process of putting out a book. And of course I have been too busy working to get to blogging. But now I finally have some time to sit down and reflect. First of all I should say that this book idea was hatched in my mind in 2003 after an incredible photography session with a mother who finally conceived after 7 miscarriages. She was beautiful, she was gracious, and she was strong. I was going through a difficult breakup at the time (aren't they all difficult), and her words of wisdom carried me through the toughest days. I realized that the inspiration I found through her words, might also inspire others, pregnant or not. That is the beauty of this book. It isn't just for pregnant mothers, it is for all women who need a little inspiration.

The challenges that I now face are many because I have discovered if you have a small publisher, you need to do a lot of promoting of your book yourself. My goal now is to spread the word about this book because I truly do believe that it offers an important voice, a real authentic voice about the transformative journey to becoming a mother. There are more than 50 women in this book who have opened their hearts and shared their personal journeys, often emotional, about their experiences.

This book is for everyone. If you know a pregnant woman who has had a difficult time, tell her about this book. Spread the word. If you know of a pregnant woman who is a single mother, this book is for her, spread the word. If you know of an older mom who has wanted to have a baby for a long time, spread the word. If you know of a happy couple who is beginning their new family, spread the word. If you know of a woman who is struggling with her new body, spread the word. This book can be seen, even though we don’t have a huge marketing budget, even though we don’t have a large publisher. This book will reach people because friends see it and tell their friends. Girl friends read it and think, this will be great for my girlfriend. Husbands will give it to their wives. So please help spread the word. There is a woman somewhere who needs to read this book.

For more stories about pregnancy and birth, check out my new book, Portraits of Pregnancy: The Birth of a Mother available-signed- from our website www.jenniferloomis.com or from Amazon

OR

We also have amazing stories on our website under "Our Mothers' Stories."

You need to go to the park

2005-06-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

Living in the city with pets can be a time consuming challenge, unless you live by a park. My dog, Sal, gets to go to the park twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon.The park we go to overlooks the Civic Center and downtown. Day or night there are fantastic views and everything seems to be farther away up there. I like to go there and sit down and write in my journal what I hope to do for the day, or what I have done.

When we first moved here, I thought that I would never be able to find the time. I mean who has 20 minutes in the morning to take the dog out? But I feel differently now. Overtime, the walk in the park that Sal always reminds us we need to do about 7 AM and 6 PM has become an integral part of our morning. Slowly walking up the hill as Sal runs with his tennis balls in the cool air is something I always feel like I don't have time for but then realize I don't have time NOT to do it. I scold myself because really, who CAN'T find 20 minutes a day to go for a walk in the park.

I have been thinking about priorities lately, about finding balance in my life. When you run your own business, you take on the roll of everything at some point during the day. I am lucky because I have advisors that help me, but I still end up handling quite a bit and that combined with travel leaves me juggling.

So how do we find balance? I am getting closer to the answer. I just started studying the yoga sutras and the teacher of the class asked a good question. What is important to you? There was a silence as we all thought about it. He asked is it family? Friends? Partner? Yoga? Meditation? Peace? Art? Then he asked the question that resonated with me for a long time....How much time a day do you spend doing things that are important to you? How much time a day do I spend doing things that are important to me? Not enough, definitely not enough. So my day-to-day challenge is to integrate more and more of the things that are important to me and cull out the things that just make my life hectic. Walking in the park with and Salvador is definitely important. I can't wait to do it again this evening.

Do yoga and watch it change your life

2005-05-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

When I was first learning yoga seriously five years ago, these were the words the teacher said. It was at the Y in Seattle, and I had wandered into the class desperate to find something to calm my nerves. I didn't have much hope for the yoga classes at the Y honestly. It wasn't a very spiritual room and there were no candles or incense. No nice wood floors and warmly colored walls. The only sound that resembled bells or chimes was the weights clanging together in the room next door as the muscle folks increased their bulk and strength. But I was feeling stressed out and fearful because I had recently given up my full-time, high paying job with MSNBC.com to go out on my own to photograph full time as a freelancer. Everyone thought I was crazy and many shook their heads waiting for me to fall flat on my face. I too was waiting for that to happen and would sit there filling with fear waiting for the phone to ring. Eventually that drove me nuts and so I decided because the Y was literally 1 block away, I needed to do something to help me find peace. I had tried running, swimming, biking, aerobics, and even yoga. I wandered into a class one morning and as I struggled through the poses thinking this isn't exercise? I am not burning off any fear or anxiety. Then she said the words "do yoga and watch it change your life." I remember thinking, "yeah right, am I missing something here?" I was skeptical and kept thinking that she was just one of "those" people. Throughout the next few weeks, something happened. I kept coming back. More because I didn't have anything to do at that time in the morning and needed to get out of my house. But as I continued to go and learn the poses, she continued to talk. She told me that my body changes every day and one day I will be able to do a pose and one day I won’t. She said that whatever is happening in my life is mimicked in my yoga practice.

She was right. I had days where I could do triangle pose and days that I couldn't. I had days where I fell asleep in corpse pose, and days when my mind was so gripped with fear that I couldn't let go of the thought that I was going to fail at my new business venture. But the thing that I learned in yoga was that everything is temporary. Some days are good days, and others are not so easy. I also learned about confidence and strength. When my body is strong, it echoes in my mind and emotions as well. I feel like I am strong and can take what the day brings. Over the past five years I have continued to do yoga. And recently I did a handstand on my own for the first time. For advanced yogis, this is nothing to brag about but for me it meant that I broke through a long-held fear. I have never been able to do a handstand, even as a child, I was afraid of falling. It was only a month ago when a yoga teacher in San Francisco said to me, just play with it. Just go to the wall. The word play seemed to unlock something and I went home and played. I did it! I did the handstand on my own. I was terrified honestly, but gradually I became more comfortable.

It sounds silly but my life is comprised of a series of uphill climbs and plateaus. The uphill climbs I love because I am learning, growing and experiencing new things. The plateaus I dread because they can last for a while and sometimes I just sit down and stop trying, or I have some kind of erroneous belief that I won't or can't ever do something. EVER. That is pretty limiting. Yoga has helped me move through this thinking. I realize that if I am hitting a wall in my yoga practice, I am probably hitting a wall in my professional, creative or personal world. But by the same token, I realize that if I am breaking through a fear and advancing my yoga practice, as I have done lately with handstands and headstands, then I am probably moving to a deeper more advanced place in my professional, creative, and personal world.

Do yoga and watch it change your life. It changed mine.